Approved By Mr. Politician 

Hello America there is something that you must know 
My opponent hates your favorite television show

Are you afraid of being killed by a Muslim terrorist? 

My opponent has a burka and bomb on his wish list 
Have you seen the video of my opponent’s old speech? 

Well here’s a clip out of context, saying to put guns in kids’ reach 

How about I put up their picture next to horrible text 

It’s provided by an obscure media called the Shining Next 
All the ads talking about me are utter lies and can’t be trusted 

It doesn’t matter that the cops find my cocaine and I was busted 

My opponent is a liar and I think they hate Jesus and babies 

Did you see the look in their eyes? I think they have rabies 
My qualifications you ask? I look good in a suit and tie 

I decide my votes by flipping a coin into the sky 

If you give me enough money I’ll push through your desires 

When things get hairy I’ll put my files into fires 
You don’t like me? I guess you could vote for my opponent 

But they are just someone else’s money well spent 

You don’t really have a choice, it’s either a punch to the gut or kick to the knee 

So don’t vote for that terrorist baby hater and vote for me 

No Trademark Infringed 

Sitting all alone with just my thoughts to keep me company 
When suddenly there’s a tapping at my bedroom window 

To my surprise a snowy owl is present with a letter addressed to me

It’s a correspondence from someone that has been hidden in the shadow 
A few days pass and then there’s a knock upon my front door 

Standing on my doorstep is a canister shaped droid 

He plays a holographic message of my friend stating my life is a bore 

He challenges me to a duel with a special light sword 
So I pack my things and go on a journey down a yellow paved road 

I meet a man who is made of metal and has no soul 

I meet a man who sounds like a crow and has the brains of a toad 

And finally I encounter a scaredy cat on the way to my goal 
Once I reach my destination at Mt. Mist, I encounter a dragon 

He sits upon a throne of gold and will scorch anyone 

I acquire some help from a group of short people with a wagon 

We slay the dragon and all I get is a small dragon bone 
My friend begins a slow clap from a top the mountain 

He jumps down to face me and we begin to fight 

We end up tired and just laughing at the situation 

I stand and shoot him in the head because I always win at the end of the night 

Wonderful Chaos 

I am a monster evil and vile 
I am unpredictable and wild

I eat souls for dinner 

If you challenge me I will be the winner
The devil has nightmares about me

When I walk by he takes a knee

The boogeyman checks his closet at night

To check I’m not there to give him a fright 
Clowns and spiders have Markphobia 

Just my name gives them terror 

Sasquatch owes me money 

That’s why he’s hiding from me 
Chuck Norris once gave me a punch 

the next 8 weeks he has to drink his lunch 

There was once life on Mars 

Until they kicked me out of their bars 
These feats may sound like tall tales

If you have doubts step up and you will fail 

Because I am the evil greatness 

Fight me and Hell will be your address 

Peace Is For The Weak 

The world is falling apart all around me and I am calm
The sun is shining, birds are chirping and I am a ticking bomb 

Chaos is my old friend who I welcome with a hug 

Happiness beats me up like a terrible thieving thug 
Call me an asshole and I will just give you a wide grin 

Often I will poke and prod until you call me it again 

Maybe I’m a little crazy or maybe this is just my home 

I’d pick a speeding car over a house with a garden gnome 
Anger and despair is what I have flowing in my veins 

Disaster is the horse and I have control of the reigns 

Does this mean that I can not find happiness?

No this means I enjoy my dysfunctional stress 
Warriors are not happy farming, gladiators don’t want tea 

I want competition, excitement and a health scoop of mystery  

So take your quiet life and shove it where the sun doesn’t shine 

And leave me be fighting the insanity of mine 

Bedtime for Booger

The light has faded away 
We have the end of another day 

The crickets are performing a symphony 

Eye lids are getting heavy
Bedtime stories are being read 

Prayers are being said 

Teeth are being brushed 

Tomorrow’s clothes are being prepped
Booger lets out a big yawn

As the moon fills the lawn 

He kisses his mom goodnight

And turns on his night light
Booger climbs into his bed 

And lays down his little head 

He drifts into dreams

The world is at peace it seems 

Chicken Capitol of the World 

Sitting on a stump is the Devil playing the fiddle 
To cross the bridge you have to answer the troll’s riddle 

The sky is littered with lightning bugs looking for mates

And someone’s grandma is washing dirty paper plates 
Welcome to Georgia, the home of the delicious peach 

Where craziness is never out of arms reach 

Monday we have snow, Tuesday is 90 degrees 

Wednesday is rain and Thursday we just hope we still have trees 
Don’t worry about the rest of the week you’ll be lucky to see it

The capitol is falling apart and the kings men can’t seem to make it fit 

The cities have people speaking Spanish and Arabic 

The hills have people speaking some Appalachian dialect 
We have good fried chicken and cold sweet tea 

And this state is the perfect home for little ol me 

Because I’m a perfect blend of chaos and happy 

And no other state could even come close to keeping up with me 

The Ravishing Russian 

Lana worked behind a computer every day in a small cubicle
She wore business casual clothes and rarely spoke in a high decibel 

But Lana had a secret that no one could ever imagine

At night she was the loud boisterous and very ravishing Russian Dragon 
She was the manager of a 500 lb grizzly bear that was missing an ear

Chop Chop was the bear’s name and he was the cause of great fear 

Chop Chop was part of an underground fighting organization 

Many had tried to beat him and that many had met devastation 
Lana was always at ringside shouting commands 

And Chop Chop was always happy to meet her vicious demands 

Chop Chop was 60 and 0 but he also had a secret 

Chop Chop was a midget fighting in a robotic bear jacket 
The two were madly in love with each other 

They spent every night together and loved playing these characters 

But these secrets don’t pay for the adult things and bills 

So they work boring jobs just to have their wild nighttime thrills