Spud Hitler

Help!! Help!! Mutant spuds are attacking

Mashed potatoes are flying

Mutant Spuds are terrorizing Kroger

They are scooping up kids for Spud Hitler

Spud Hitler is an evil mad scientist

And these mutant spuds are his newest

Newest evil invention to take over

He doesn’t want Publix, he wants Kroger

He is the distant descendent of Hitler

And he too inspires to be a dictator

He is 5 feet tall and is never happy

He is thin and goes from sad to angry

So he takes these kids prisoner

And uses them to take over

But the store manager knows what to do

He runs outside and blows his kazoo

Out of the clouds you hear loud country

Blaring Hank Williams Jr from a buggy

It’s the buggy of the Kroger Kids

They are here to smash some spuds

As they land Spud Hitler sets his trap

A large net lands on them, Oh Crap!

The Kroger kids begin to struggle

But the net is begging to closely cuddle

Find out what happens on the next episode of Kroger Kids!

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The Adventures of Kroger Kids

Whenever there is evil around

Whenever crime is going down

You will have no fear

Because Kroger Kids are here

This crime fighting couple will save you

Whether you’re fighting a lion at the zoo

Or aliens are invading your local Walmart

There is one simple thing you must start

Pull out your Kroger Kids kazoo

And play their song, “do do dooo doo do”

They fly around in a super grocery buggy

It has big foot tires, bazookas and can fly

Captain Cowboy is a country cowboy

His hat is razor sharp and isn’t a toy

And if that doesn’t work he is super strong

He can also stretch his body super long

The Red Heroine is the beautiful one

Her laser vision will melt you to the bone

Did I mention she can blow a kiss

That will paralyze you and it never misses

Together they fight crime

So if you’re evil you’re out of time

If you’re in need than don’t worry

Bc Kroger Kids are the hero in your story

The Adventures of Kroger Kids

Whenever there is evil around

Whenever crime is going down

You will have no fear

Because Kroger Kids are here

This crime fighting couple will save you

Whether you’re fighting a lion at the zoo

Or aliens are invading your local Walmart

There is one simple thing you must start

Pull out your Kroger Kids kazoo

And play their song, “do do dooo doo do”

They fly around in a super grocery buggy

It has big foot tires, bazookas and can fly

Magnificent Mark is a country cowboy

His hat is razor sharp and isn’t a toy

And if that doesn’t work he is super strong

He can also stretch his body super long

Charismatic Carrie is the beautiful one

Her laser vision will melt you to the bone

Did I mention she can blow a kiss

That will paralyze you and it never misses

Together they fight crime

So if you’re evil you’re out of time

If you’re in need than don’t worry

Bc Kroger Kids are the hero in your story

The Country Nerd

I listen to bluegrass as I play horseshoes

I clean guns while Hank sings the blues

I eat Spam and fried bologna sandwiches

I drive my Jeep through muddy ditches

I play PS4 on my hi-def television

I don’t need paper to do long division

I support Pichard in the Trekky argument

I believe comic books is money well spent

You don’t need to be Einstein to see

That I’m a mix of nerd and country

I can drop you with my recurve bow

I know to use a potion when health is low

I can whoop your ass in a fist fight

Or beat you in chess all night

I can beat you in every poker game

my Magic deck will put yours to shame

While these are usually clashing styles

Inside of me they drive the women wild

I have the confidence of a redneck Romeo

But the personality of your favorite hero

So don’t try to put me in a box

Or I’ll barrel roll out like Starfox

I’m unique and my own man

Keep your stereotypes I have my plan

Prayers to Heaven

My grandfather passed away

Before I ever got a chance to say

I love you, thank you

You did the best you could do

You taught me to be a man

To always have a plan

To be humble and kind

And always speak my mind

But you never got to see

The life I hope you wanted for me

I never got hear spoken aloud

That you were proud

You never got to meet my son

To play and have fun

You never got to see me be a dad

Or to pick me up when I was sad

I just pray you’re in heaven smiling

And I may have fallen but I’m trying

To live up to your expectations of me

And be half the man you didn’t have to be

New Chapter

Life is full of peaks and valleys

Of open fields and narrow alleys

Life can change in a moments notice

Or be in a long state of bliss

One thing you can never fear

Is making someone shed a tear

You are responsible for your own path

It’s up to you to drain the bath

So when life has pushed you in a pit

When it’s covered you in shit

It’s your responsibility to revolt

To give life a brand new jolt

If your job sucks donkey dick

Then it’s up to you to say “fuck it I quit “

You’re mate is a first rate bitch

Hand her a broom and say “beat it witch”

If bettering yourself makes another cry

Than it’s probably best to tell them bye

A true friend wants you to succeed

They want to help you when you need

Never be afraid to make a change

Never be afraid to be a little strange

Be the best motherfucker you can be

Be the boss of your awesome destiny

Living the Dream

I’m walking down the hall to eat lunch

I pass mi amigo and get a friendly punch

He asks “how’s life? peaches and cream?”

I reply with my classic “living the dream”

Now there’s plenty of truthful answers

Like the upper admin fuels my anger

Or that I didn’t sleep good last night

my brain just replays that face in the light

The face of the beaten 10 year old boy

Who ran away because his life had no joy

He hid from his parents who forced him to take autism meds

He didn’t need but they got more money from the feds

I could say that I’m frustrated that I’m fat

I want to lose weight but it’s not as easy as that

Life is stressful and when I’m stressed I eat

That when I have time to exercise I’m too beat

I could tell him that I just want a day

But life doesn’t work that way

Responsibilities don’t just go away

These are things I don’t say

Because life may be hard for me

But my friend doesn’t need negativity

I’m sure his life has it’s own problems

Adding to it isn’t fair to him

Also if you give into the negative

The pity you get becomes addictive

It starts to consume you like a demon

And people see you as a sour lemon

So as you wade the waters of misery

Don’t forget all the happy

Like the same boy giving you a smile

You’re alive for an extra little while

You get to hug your son at the end of the day

You get a home cooked meal and not one off a tray

You get a job well done from someone you respect

You get to know there’s someone who knows you’ll be there to protect

Life is all about give and take

It’s up to you what day to make

So when you’re thinking about blowing off steam

Just remember sometimes it’s up to you to be living the dream