Spud Hitler

Help!! Help!! Mutant spuds are attacking

Mashed potatoes are flying

Mutant Spuds are terrorizing Kroger

They are scooping up kids for Spud Hitler

Spud Hitler is an evil mad scientist

And these mutant spuds are his newest

Newest evil invention to take over

He doesn’t want Publix, he wants Kroger

He is the distant descendent of Hitler

And he too inspires to be a dictator

He is 5 feet tall and is never happy

He is thin and goes from sad to angry

So he takes these kids prisoner

And uses them to take over

But the store manager knows what to do

He runs outside and blows his kazoo

Out of the clouds you hear loud country

Blaring Hank Williams Jr from a buggy

It’s the buggy of the Kroger Kids

They are here to smash some spuds

As they land Spud Hitler sets his trap

A large net lands on them, Oh Crap!

The Kroger kids begin to struggle

But the net is begging to closely cuddle

Find out what happens on the next episode of Kroger Kids!

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The Adventures of Kroger Kids

Whenever there is evil around

Whenever crime is going down

You will have no fear

Because Kroger Kids are here

This crime fighting couple will save you

Whether you’re fighting a lion at the zoo

Or aliens are invading your local Walmart

There is one simple thing you must start

Pull out your Kroger Kids kazoo

And play their song, “do do dooo doo do”

They fly around in a super grocery buggy

It has big foot tires, bazookas and can fly

Captain Cowboy is a country cowboy

His hat is razor sharp and isn’t a toy

And if that doesn’t work he is super strong

He can also stretch his body super long

The Red Heroine is the beautiful one

Her laser vision will melt you to the bone

Did I mention she can blow a kiss

That will paralyze you and it never misses

Together they fight crime

So if you’re evil you’re out of time

If you’re in need than don’t worry

Bc Kroger Kids are the hero in your story

The Adventures of Kroger Kids

Whenever there is evil around

Whenever crime is going down

You will have no fear

Because Kroger Kids are here

This crime fighting couple will save you

Whether you’re fighting a lion at the zoo

Or aliens are invading your local Walmart

There is one simple thing you must start

Pull out your Kroger Kids kazoo

And play their song, “do do dooo doo do”

They fly around in a super grocery buggy

It has big foot tires, bazookas and can fly

Magnificent Mark is a country cowboy

His hat is razor sharp and isn’t a toy

And if that doesn’t work he is super strong

He can also stretch his body super long

Charismatic Carrie is the beautiful one

Her laser vision will melt you to the bone

Did I mention she can blow a kiss

That will paralyze you and it never misses

Together they fight crime

So if you’re evil you’re out of time

If you’re in need than don’t worry

Bc Kroger Kids are the hero in your story

The Country Nerd

I listen to bluegrass as I play horseshoes

I clean guns while Hank sings the blues

I eat Spam and fried bologna sandwiches

I drive my Jeep through muddy ditches

I play PS4 on my hi-def television

I don’t need paper to do long division

I support Pichard in the Trekky argument

I believe comic books is money well spent

You don’t need to be Einstein to see

That I’m a mix of nerd and country

I can drop you with my recurve bow

I know to use a potion when health is low

I can whoop your ass in a fist fight

Or beat you in chess all night

I can beat you in every poker game

my Magic deck will put yours to shame

While these are usually clashing styles

Inside of me they drive the women wild

I have the confidence of a redneck Romeo

But the personality of your favorite hero

So don’t try to put me in a box

Or I’ll barrel roll out like Starfox

I’m unique and my own man

Keep your stereotypes I have my plan

Bury Normalcy With a Silver Spade

I will not settle for mediocre

I will not end up subpar

If I am an Ogre

I will be scariest near and far

I will not stand as standard

I will not be labeled as Normal

If I am a bard

I will have best songs at the ball

I will not stop at adequate

I will not tolerate ordinary

If I am a pirate

I will plunder all the ships in the sea

Whatever I may be

Wherever I may be it at

Let me be the best version of me

Let me be the Top Cat

You can keep your normality

You can keep your average

It will not be used to describe me

I will be the best of all the ages

Heroes Of Our Own Story

Your cat is stuck in an enormous tree

Your only goal is to set your pet free

You cut down the tree with a chainsaw

As the tree falls you hear a few ca-caws

To your beloved pet you are the hero

To the birds you’re the villain, the Zero

You are walking down a dark street

And all of the sudden you meet

A man who is threatening your family

You pull out a gun and shoot them quickly

To your wife you’re Prince Charming

To the man’s kids you’re the one killing

No matter the kind of situation

You’re role is always based on perception

In your mind you may be righteous

In someone else’s you may be villainous

What you do with this information

Is up to you and your perception

Shaken Not Stirred

America has been infiltrated by the reds

They eat Cubans on rye bread

They turn up their nose to Mac n cheese

They never say thank you or please

These bolsheviks want to ruin our country

They put vodka into their chai tea

They drive slow on the expressway

They are the black cloud to your sunny day

But have no fear there are true capitalists

Americans ready to fight the communists

They eat bacon, drive fast, and eat apple pie

God Bless America always brings a tear to their eye

This group has learned how to identify a spy

They shake them three times and the red can’t lie

They are compelled to admit their true loyalty

A shaken marxist will recite the communist manifesto flawlessly

So if you love America and want to assist

Grab your gun, eat some bacon and shake a communist