Just a Monkey on a Rocket Ship to the Moon

Let me tell you about Apollo the chimp

in laymans terms he’s a freaking pimp

he always wears a cowboy hat

and carries a baseball bat

He can be a ninja and vanish without a trace

or be a gansta in your face

he’s completely insane

and can punch you in the brain

so one day this brain punching, kiss stealing,

wheeling, dealing

monkey was smearing poop on his face

and he decided he was going into outer space

so he built a rocket ship

fastened his bat to his hip

and blasted out of the jungle

it was almost too much for him to handle

and no one has seen him since, some say he died

some say he flew into the sun and fried

I say Witch please

he’s on the moon eating moon cheese

Advertisements

Christmas Time Imagination

On a cold Christmas Eve I was asleep in my bed

With visions of gumdrops dancing in my head

When I heard a loud whistle and my home began to shake

I went outside to see the Polar Express, for so long I thought it was fake

All aboard the conductor shouted, so I jumped up and went inside

In the first train car was Frosty the snowman doing the electric slide

He gave me a nod and a wink as I walked by

Then Jack Skellington threw a snowball that hit me in the eye

I laughed and a snowball fight ensued, me and Frosty on one team

Jack and Sally on the other, the fight ended when Sally busted a seam

I heard some thudding on the roof so I went to take a look

Sneaking from car to car was the Grinch and Captain Hook

I climbed on the roof and found a sword, hook was no match for me

Especially when John McClane jumped down from a passing tree

We locked the Grinch and Hook in a car and went to speak to the conductor

the train came to an abrupt stop and I saw a sleigh being pulled by reindeer

Santa had arrived and landed as we exited the train

He bellowed a “Ho, ho, ho” as presents began to rain

I picked up the one addressed to me and as I tore it open with my hands

My letter to Santa had paid off because inside was a nimbus 2000

Santa nodded and I flew off to my next big adventure

You may question if the events of this story actually occurred

To that I ask if you’re writing a book or reporting the news

If you are title it mind your own business you Scrooge

Queen Elizabeth II The Robotic Superhero

Let me regale you with a wondrous tale of heroism 

QE was a young woman who saw her country dying from Nazism 

She snuck out of the Royal Palace and joined her countrymen 

With a Thompson machine gun in each hand she helped the allies win
If you wonder what happened to Hitler and his mysterious death

He’s fatal mistake was challenging QE, she took his last breath 

But her battle with Hitler left her severely injured 

However with help from scientists she was reengineered 
Once she became Queen she did not stop her heroic acts 

She took down the Berlin Wall in just two whacks 

She saved the Earth from total destruction from meteoroids 

She flew to space and with a cricket bat knocked them back into the void
Rogue aliens once invaded Britain and tried to take over 

But QE sent them packing with one perfectly placed shoulder 

Seal Team 6 gets credit for killing bin laden 

But no one realizes QE had already put a bullet in his noggin 
QE doesn’t save the world for fame or money

She does because the world needs her to ensure its safety 

So the next time you see her in her little coat in hat

Just know you owe her a million thanks and that’s a fact 

Cowboys Never Cease to Exist

There may no longer be a Wild West 

There aren’t any dirt floor saloons 

No towns full of men in vests

No train robbers sleeping under the moon
No longer are arguments settled by duels

No one rides a horse or buggy 

No longer are tasks done with simple tools

This era has simply become a memory
One thing that has survived are cowboys

Men who like to live life their way 

Men who still love life’s simple joys 

Men with no regrets at the end of the day
Cowboys stand up for their morals

They fight when it’s necessary 

They respect elders and girls

having a good meal makes them happy  
Cowboys are a little headstrong 

They Make quick decisions

they don’t enjoy talking for too long 

And they rarely change their opinions 
Some of you may be a cowboy 

Or you may want to be it  

Just remember that pistol isn’t a toy 

And never cross from cowboy to bandit 
Because if you do 

There will always be a cowboy after you 

Esteban the Guardian

There’s a special street in Hell that is littered with Rose petals

But under the petals are thorns of rusty metal 

On this street are many hills and condemned homes

Some are filled with lost souls, others house demon gnomes 
But there’s one house that remains an utter mystery 

Because no one has been inside in over a century 

Outside this home stands a never sleeping guardian 

His name is Estaban, he’s one the angels that fell from Heaven
He was assigned to guard that house by Lucifer 

he has stood vigilant and hasn’t allowed anyone to enter 

The sidewalks are littered with bones of those who tried to pass 

A strike from his sword will break you like cheap glass
There are many stories about what he guards 

But no one dares to challenge Esteban or even play him in cards

He just continues to stand and fight to protect the house 

He even keeps out the hellion version of a mouse 

I’m Not Your Hero

I’m not the hero that you think I am 
The persona I’m using is just a sham 

I don’t regret anything from my past 

When I was raising hell I had a blast 
I may be a calmer and slower to violence that doesn’t mean i like peace and silence 

I may even extend a helping hand 

But I will probably have an ulterior plan 
I may not smash buildings like King Kong

But the city is not where I belong

I’ve had fun leaving a path of destruction

If I’ve helped anyone it was with objection 
 

Sometimes the most dangerous devil 

Is the one who is quiet about his evil

I may not be out causing chaos and pain

That doesn’t mean I have a heroic vein  

The Final Battle

The Cenas dispatched the soldiers in the lobby with ease 
Some were left floating in air, others were turned into peas

The second wave was a little tougher with the SS having magical weapons 

They shot spells at the Cenas causing them to go in different directions 
Henry ran and hid in a closet while he collected his wits 

Bobby ran around giving soldiers cowlicks and zits 

Jack forged straight through the middle and took the stairs 

Jack defeated soldier after soldier even trapping some in their underwear 
Henry knew he couldn’t hide while his family fought 

So he came out and used every spell he was taught 

He cleared a path to Bobby and they stood back to back 

They thought they would never see the end of this attack 
Until the windows exploded and the other groups poured in 

The addition of the other groups gave hope that they would win 

Henry and Bobby joined Jack in his search for Hitler 

They searched rooms, closets, and finally entered a theater
As they began to search Hitler grabbed Bobby and put a gun to his head 

He told the others to step away or Bobby would be dead 

At that point the hotel burst into flames and Hitler dragged Bobby to a window

Hitler jumped out the window but before he did he pulled the trigger 
Bobby fell lifelessly to the ground as Jack rushed over 

Henry ran to the window but there was no sign of Hitler 

WTH definitely helped win the war but they couldn’t save everyone 

What happened to Hitler is still a mystery maybe to never be known
There was a rumor he moved to Britain and took the name Umbridge 

As for Jack and Henry they went back to Their lives and on their fridge

They keep a picture of Bobby so they always remember 

What it takes so that others may be free and don’t have to face horror
The End