Spud Hitler

Help!! Help!! Mutant spuds are attacking

Mashed potatoes are flying

Mutant Spuds are terrorizing Kroger

They are scooping up kids for Spud Hitler

Spud Hitler is an evil mad scientist

And these mutant spuds are his newest

Newest evil invention to take over

He doesn’t want Publix, he wants Kroger

He is the distant descendent of Hitler

And he too inspires to be a dictator

He is 5 feet tall and is never happy

He is thin and goes from sad to angry

So he takes these kids prisoner

And uses them to take over

But the store manager knows what to do

He runs outside and blows his kazoo

Out of the clouds you hear loud country

Blaring Hank Williams Jr from a buggy

It’s the buggy of the Kroger Kids

They are here to smash some spuds

As they land Spud Hitler sets his trap

A large net lands on them, Oh Crap!

The Kroger kids begin to struggle

But the net is begging to closely cuddle

Find out what happens on the next episode of Kroger Kids!

The Adventures of Kroger Kids

Whenever there is evil around

Whenever crime is going down

You will have no fear

Because Kroger Kids are here

This crime fighting couple will save you

Whether you’re fighting a lion at the zoo

Or aliens are invading your local Walmart

There is one simple thing you must start

Pull out your Kroger Kids kazoo

And play their song, “do do dooo doo do”

They fly around in a super grocery buggy

It has big foot tires, bazookas and can fly

Captain Cowboy is a country cowboy

His hat is razor sharp and isn’t a toy

And if that doesn’t work he is super strong

He can also stretch his body super long

The Red Heroine is the beautiful one

Her laser vision will melt you to the bone

Did I mention she can blow a kiss

That will paralyze you and it never misses

Together they fight crime

So if you’re evil you’re out of time

If you’re in need than don’t worry

Bc Kroger Kids are the hero in your story

The Adventures of Kroger Kids

Whenever there is evil around

Whenever crime is going down

You will have no fear

Because Kroger Kids are here

This crime fighting couple will save you

Whether you’re fighting a lion at the zoo

Or aliens are invading your local Walmart

There is one simple thing you must start

Pull out your Kroger Kids kazoo

And play their song, “do do dooo doo do”

They fly around in a super grocery buggy

It has big foot tires, bazookas and can fly

Magnificent Mark is a country cowboy

His hat is razor sharp and isn’t a toy

And if that doesn’t work he is super strong

He can also stretch his body super long

Charismatic Carrie is the beautiful one

Her laser vision will melt you to the bone

Did I mention she can blow a kiss

That will paralyze you and it never misses

Together they fight crime

So if you’re evil you’re out of time

If you’re in need than don’t worry

Bc Kroger Kids are the hero in your story

New Chapter

Life is full of peaks and valleys

Of open fields and narrow alleys

Life can change in a moments notice

Or be in a long state of bliss

One thing you can never fear

Is making someone shed a tear

You are responsible for your own path

It’s up to you to drain the bath

So when life has pushed you in a pit

When it’s covered you in shit

It’s your responsibility to revolt

To give life a brand new jolt

If your job sucks donkey dick

Then it’s up to you to say “fuck it I quit “

You’re mate is a first rate bitch

Hand her a broom and say “beat it witch”

If bettering yourself makes another cry

Than it’s probably best to tell them bye

A true friend wants you to succeed

They want to help you when you need

Never be afraid to make a change

Never be afraid to be a little strange

Be the best motherfucker you can be

Be the boss of your awesome destiny

The Tough One

Sir he’s barricaded himself inside

We don’t know why he won’t come out

Maybe he’s scared, maybe it’s his pride

“GET OUT NOW” I shout

But the situation remains unchanged

My next move is to force him to leave

I press and press but he’s deranged

This is going to require I roll up my sleeves

If he thinks I’m giving up that easy

He has another thing coming

I grit my teeth and wipe the sweat away

I go hard and start pushing

Dammit I failed again

He’s definitely a tough one to crack

But I’m determined that I will win

It’s time for my secret attack

I back away and pretend to relax

I pull off all the pressure

He thinks it’s safe, then WHACK

He falls straight into the water

And I’m constipated no more

I clean up the mess from that turd

Wash my hands and exit thru the door

And hope next time won’t be so absurd

El Drago Blanco

It’s Saturday night the crowd is packed in

El Drago Blanco walks through the curtain

The crowd erupts in cheers and chants

EDB has a dragon mask and red pants

The match goes back and forth

EDB is down and seems passed his worth

The crowd is chanting his name

To lose would bring his family Shame

He energizes and goes on the attack

He slams his opponent onto his back

He climbs on the ropes and jumps

1, 2, 3, EDB wins, he gives the air a fist bump

He has the world in his hands

But there’s one thing that he understands

Monday brings life back to boring

He goes to the office and typing

He will have a boss telling him what to do

He will have to write in pen that has to be blue

He will sit for 8 hours at a desk

And eating an old sandwich is his only risk

But that’s Monday, today is Saturday

Today he is living life his way

He’s seizing his moment

He is free from works torment

Bury Normalcy With a Silver Spade

I will not settle for mediocre

I will not end up subpar

If I am an Ogre

I will be scariest near and far

I will not stand as standard

I will not be labeled as Normal

If I am a bard

I will have best songs at the ball

I will not stop at adequate

I will not tolerate ordinary

If I am a pirate

I will plunder all the ships in the sea

Whatever I may be

Wherever I may be it at

Let me be the best version of me

Let me be the Top Cat

You can keep your normality

You can keep your average

It will not be used to describe me

I will be the best of all the ages

Heroes Of Our Own Story

Your cat is stuck in an enormous tree

Your only goal is to set your pet free

You cut down the tree with a chainsaw

As the tree falls you hear a few ca-caws

To your beloved pet you are the hero

To the birds you’re the villain, the Zero

You are walking down a dark street

And all of the sudden you meet

A man who is threatening your family

You pull out a gun and shoot them quickly

To your wife you’re Prince Charming

To the man’s kids you’re the one killing

No matter the kind of situation

You’re role is always based on perception

In your mind you may be righteous

In someone else’s you may be villainous

What you do with this information

Is up to you and your perception

Shaken Not Stirred

America has been infiltrated by the reds

They eat Cubans on rye bread

They turn up their nose to Mac n cheese

They never say thank you or please

These bolsheviks want to ruin our country

They put vodka into their chai tea

They drive slow on the expressway

They are the black cloud to your sunny day

But have no fear there are true capitalists

Americans ready to fight the communists

They eat bacon, drive fast, and eat apple pie

God Bless America always brings a tear to their eye

This group has learned how to identify a spy

They shake them three times and the red can’t lie

They are compelled to admit their true loyalty

A shaken marxist will recite the communist manifesto flawlessly

So if you love America and want to assist

Grab your gun, eat some bacon and shake a communist

The Rowdy Redneck

I’ve had numerous experiences in my life

I’ve been hit by a car, stabbed with a knife

Waffle House threw me out into the street

I don’t care for shoes on my feet

I grew up on spam and fried bologna

Riding in truck beds is a limo ride to me

I love shooting guns and wrestling on tv

Summertime is best spent in the shade of a tree

I can cuss like a drunken sailor

But I always mind my manners around the pastor

I like driving fast and loud music on my radio

I love Playing horseshoes while Dad grills on the patio

I use slang and speak with a southern accent

To me Redneck is a term of endearment

Im blue collar, eat red meat, and love The USA

I love to fight, party all night, and I’m always going to be that way