Unanswered Questions

Falling, falling, deeper, falling, farther, falling, faster

BAM! Rock bottom some reason I thought it would be softer 

Maybe I was naive and thought I wasn’t that low

Maybe my tough act was really just one big show 
Whatever it was I am here now no time for reflecting 

I guess the talk about bus rides to hell was just talking 

How do I know I am in hell you ask, maybe it’s the screaming 

Or the brimstone or maybe because I can see people burning 
The lake of fire is more like an ocean consuming millions

I need to think fast, come up with some solutions

Well I guess I have to figure out the problems first

Besides being in hell and having an unbearable thirst 
Maybe Satan is too busy to greet me or he doesn’t care

Maybe he’s everywhere and I’m just too blind to see his stare 

Well laying on this brimstone is doing me no favors

I’ll start looking for an exit and just pretend I didn’t have bad behaviors 
I walk about a mile before I run into anyone or anything really 

The soldier looks as confused as I am and he sure is smelly

He points a flaming sword at me and tells me to stop

He pulls out a radio talks into it and then there is a loud pop 
He wasn’t wearing a name tag but the man that magically appeared 

I had a feeling he was Lucifer the way he was feared

The soldier was on one knee bowing to the devil 

Satan just looked at me and said you don’t “belong in my pile”
“Why are you here” he demanded and waited for me to answer

Shrugging and saying “hell if I know mother fucker”

Was not the right response I learned as I went flying across the land

I’m here to tell you the devil has a wicked back hand
I had not planned on fighting the devil today 

But you know the best laid plans of mice and men often go astray 

And that old line you can’t take it with you is bullshit

Because when I landed I found that my lucky gun was still in my pocket
I pulled it out and fired three shots into Satan’s chest 

He just laughed and said, “c’mon give me your best”

So I keep on shooting until the gun runs empty 

He is smiling like a jackass walking towards me
“Are you done” he asks like a disapproving dad 

I nod yes so he lowers his guard and give him the best sucker punch I had 

He stumbles and wipes blood from his cheek 

Then delivers a round house kick that knocks me into next week 
I roll over, start coughing up blood and yell “is that all princess

Maybe when we are done you can show me your pretty dress ”

I tell you this story not because I had a glorious victory 

But because you don’t fight Satan and sit around quietly
Sorry off topic damn ADHD look a squirrel that looks like Elvis 

My shouting seems to be making the devil really pissed 

Because as he glides to me his pulling out a sword engulfed in fire 

That’s when I hear it, a 2016 white corvette squealing tires
It shoots past me and slides into Satan knocking him off his feet

I’m expecting Jesus to come out and hand Satan a righteous defeat

Boy was I wrong out steps Chuck Fucking Norris with a bad ass katana 

By this time the devil is full rage charging but Chuck is a ninja 
Chuck does some flips and then swords start clanging 

Chuck tells me to “GO” and points to the car that’s still running 

I jump in and the car transforms into beautiful Pegasus 

It wisps me away as chuck fights the devil below us
I am dropped off at home with nothing but bruised ribs and questions

Who won the fight? How did I get to hell? Is that my eternal destination?

I will probably never know any answers but it was a nice adventure

That I will tell even when I’m gray headed and have dentures 

El Texano 

There was a cowboy with a lightning quick draw 

Who scared every living creature that he saw 

No one could beat him in a pistol duel 

He knew this fact and it made him cruel
The cowboy wore a hat as black as his soul

And a black duster that shielded him from the cold 

His spurs seemed to have a sinister sound 

They hissed like snakes when his boots hit the ground
The cowboy spread fear from Georgia to Mexico 

But one day he came to small village that housed El Texano

Texano was tall, burly and burnt by the harsh sun

He worked every day and seemed to have no time for fun
The village didn’t know much about Texano 

They knew he didn’t drink and he wore a sombrero

He could break in any horse and mend any fence

And if spoke at all it was a very short sentence
As Texano was mending a fence the Cowboy came to town 

He yelled “out of the way amigo” and pushed the fence down 

Texano turned beet red and faced the Cowboy

The Cowboy just grinned and seemed overjoyed 
The Cowboy went down for the gun at his waist

Texano responded with a fence post to Cowboy’s face 

When Cowboy awoke he was tied to a chair 

With blood and dirt clumping up his jet black hair 
Texano finally spoke ending the silence in the room 

“How many hombres have felt your gun’s evil boom?”

Cowboy uttered, “go to hell you dirty Mexican”

Texano shook his head in disbelief of this stupid man
Texano said, “I’m not Mexican but that doesn’t matter 

You’re an evil man who’s blood I will splatter

You will not hurt anyone else especially in my town.”

Then he took a machete and buried it in the Cowboy’s crown
The next day they coyotes had a bountiful feast

And no one knew Texano was the hero that slain the beast 

Texano was ok with this fact and went back to work 

And the world was a better place because it had one less jerk 

The Roller Coaster of Life 

Maybe I’m not actually evil 

Maybe I’m not the devil 

Maybe I’m exactly the way God wants me

Maybe I’m the Angel of Misery 
I’m like cocaine for your soul 

I can take you down the deepest hole

I can take you to the mountain top 

You better hold on because I don’t stop 
I will expand the thoughts in your brain

I will put you in the car and drive you insane 

I will make you too angry for words

I will make you fly higher than the birds 
I will open up doors of opportunity 

I will push you into a world of self pity

I am an agent of curiosity 

I am the Angel of Misery 
So take my hand if you dare

you will definitely have a horrible scare 

You will have numerous nights of laughs 

Just hope when it’s over you’re meeting one of God’s staff