No Trademark Infringed 

Sitting all alone with just my thoughts to keep me company 
When suddenly there’s a tapping at my bedroom window 

To my surprise a snowy owl is present with a letter addressed to me

It’s a correspondence from someone that has been hidden in the shadow 
A few days pass and then there’s a knock upon my front door 

Standing on my doorstep is a canister shaped droid 

He plays a holographic message of my friend stating my life is a bore 

He challenges me to a duel with a special light sword 
So I pack my things and go on a journey down a yellow paved road 

I meet a man who is made of metal and has no soul 

I meet a man who sounds like a crow and has the brains of a toad 

And finally I encounter a scaredy cat on the way to my goal 
Once I reach my destination at Mt. Mist, I encounter a dragon 

He sits upon a throne of gold and will scorch anyone 

I acquire some help from a group of short people with a wagon 

We slay the dragon and all I get is a small dragon bone 
My friend begins a slow clap from a top the mountain 

He jumps down to face me and we begin to fight 

We end up tired and just laughing at the situation 

I stand and shoot him in the head because I always win at the end of the night 

Wonderful Chaos 

I am a monster evil and vile 
I am unpredictable and wild

I eat souls for dinner 

If you challenge me I will be the winner
The devil has nightmares about me

When I walk by he takes a knee

The boogeyman checks his closet at night

To check I’m not there to give him a fright 
Clowns and spiders have Markphobia 

Just my name gives them terror 

Sasquatch owes me money 

That’s why he’s hiding from me 
Chuck Norris once gave me a punch 

the next 8 weeks he has to drink his lunch 

There was once life on Mars 

Until they kicked me out of their bars 
These feats may sound like tall tales

If you have doubts step up and you will fail 

Because I am the evil greatness 

Fight me and Hell will be your address 

Peace Is For The Weak 

The world is falling apart all around me and I am calm
The sun is shining, birds are chirping and I am a ticking bomb 

Chaos is my old friend who I welcome with a hug 

Happiness beats me up like a terrible thieving thug 
Call me an asshole and I will just give you a wide grin 

Often I will poke and prod until you call me it again 

Maybe I’m a little crazy or maybe this is just my home 

I’d pick a speeding car over a house with a garden gnome 
Anger and despair is what I have flowing in my veins 

Disaster is the horse and I have control of the reigns 

Does this mean that I can not find happiness?

No this means I enjoy my dysfunctional stress 
Warriors are not happy farming, gladiators don’t want tea 

I want competition, excitement and a health scoop of mystery  

So take your quiet life and shove it where the sun doesn’t shine 

And leave me be fighting the insanity of mine 

Bedtime for Booger

The light has faded away 
We have the end of another day 

The crickets are performing a symphony 

Eye lids are getting heavy
Bedtime stories are being read 

Prayers are being said 

Teeth are being brushed 

Tomorrow’s clothes are being prepped
Booger lets out a big yawn

As the moon fills the lawn 

He kisses his mom goodnight

And turns on his night light
Booger climbs into his bed 

And lays down his little head 

He drifts into dreams

The world is at peace it seems 

Chicken Capitol of the World 

Sitting on a stump is the Devil playing the fiddle 
To cross the bridge you have to answer the troll’s riddle 

The sky is littered with lightning bugs looking for mates

And someone’s grandma is washing dirty paper plates 
Welcome to Georgia, the home of the delicious peach 

Where craziness is never out of arms reach 

Monday we have snow, Tuesday is 90 degrees 

Wednesday is rain and Thursday we just hope we still have trees 
Don’t worry about the rest of the week you’ll be lucky to see it

The capitol is falling apart and the kings men can’t seem to make it fit 

The cities have people speaking Spanish and Arabic 

The hills have people speaking some Appalachian dialect 
We have good fried chicken and cold sweet tea 

And this state is the perfect home for little ol me 

Because I’m a perfect blend of chaos and happy 

And no other state could even come close to keeping up with me 

The Ravishing Russian 

Lana worked behind a computer every day in a small cubicle
She wore business casual clothes and rarely spoke in a high decibel 

But Lana had a secret that no one could ever imagine

At night she was the loud boisterous and very ravishing Russian Dragon 
She was the manager of a 500 lb grizzly bear that was missing an ear

Chop Chop was the bear’s name and he was the cause of great fear 

Chop Chop was part of an underground fighting organization 

Many had tried to beat him and that many had met devastation 
Lana was always at ringside shouting commands 

And Chop Chop was always happy to meet her vicious demands 

Chop Chop was 60 and 0 but he also had a secret 

Chop Chop was a midget fighting in a robotic bear jacket 
The two were madly in love with each other 

They spent every night together and loved playing these characters 

But these secrets don’t pay for the adult things and bills 

So they work boring jobs just to have their wild nighttime thrills 

Follow the Brimstone Brick Road

Nigel was a normal guy who lived in the Appalachian foothills
He had few hobbies but would do things just for thrills 

Nigel would ride motorcycles and shoot guns 

He was charismatic, so much that he got winks from nuns 
One day Nigel went to the top of a tall mountain 

Revved his motorcycle and took a huge leap into the rain 

Nigel fell fast and he soon realized his huge mistake 

He was free falling and it did not matter how hard he smashed the brake 
Nigel just closed his eyes and prayed for the best 

All of the sudden Nigel felt the ground underneath his chest 

He looked to his left and his motorcycle laid on top of a man

He been crushed but untouched were his bright red Vans
Nigel was in a foreign land, with no shoes and no ride

So he took the red Vans and looked for a place to hide  

But he was confronted by the Demon of the West 

He had red skin, rode a Pegasus, wore a cowboy hat and leather vest 
West was flying straight for Nigel with a rifle ready to fire 

But Gabriel the angel derailed him with a tire 

Gabriel said go away this man has the Vans and is protected 

West cussed and flew away leaving Nigel horrible perplexed 
Nigel thanked Gabriel but said I just want to go back to Georgia 

Gabriel said follow the brimstone brick road and see the King with the fedora

Nigel went on his way confused but had no other plan 

He walked for a few until he saw something that looked like a man
However when he got close it was obvious this was no person

It was a robot that had a sign stating not to turn on 

Nigel being the reckless lad he is flipped the switch 

He heard beeping and clanking then finally the robot twitched 
The robot grabbed Nigel by the throat and smiled 

Nigel started flailing and squirming until he finally escaped

He shouted what is wrong with you? I’m the one who saved you 

The robot just laughed and said I have no soul but what’s new
Nigel and the robot talked for a moment and came to an understanding 

They would team up and go together to see the king 

So as the walked they saw a man hanging from a tree

They stopped and looked and hangman asked are you looking at me? 
Nigel answered who else would we be looking at 

The hangman looked left then right, scratched his head and said that bat

What he pointed out wasn’t a bat but a swarm of man sized bats

They were heading straight for the trio and they meant business no questioning that
The robot shot down the hangman and they went and hid

But that seemed like the worst thing they could’ve did 

Because in the cave they went to was a large bear

But seeing the trio the bear pooped his underwear 
He asked what did they want and they told him the were going to see the king

Because it’s been told the king could grant you anything 

He asked to go and they said why not and the got back on the Brick road

The reached the concrete city and were greeted at the gate by a Toad
He shouted state your business or face your fate 

They told him and he agreed to let them in the gate 

Upon meeting the king, Nigel told him what he wanted and all of that

The king just smiled and said you must bring me back West’s hat
The king didn’t really give Nigel much of a choice 

So they went to West’s castle looking like the judges of the voice 

They snuck upstairs and found West cleaning his gun

They began to fight and just when it seemed West had won
The hangman pulled out a bottle of water and went to take a drink

Nigel saw crosses on the bottle and began to quickly think 

He snatched it from the hangman and splashed it on West 

West melted and all that was left was his pants, hat and vest 
The four took the hat back to the king and waited for him to complete their deal

He just laughed, horns began to grow and the bear squealed

The king shouted I am the devil and I do what I please 

Nigel said screw that and dropped kicked the devil in his knees 
When he did the king shrank and began to cry loudly 

Then from across the street came a concerned looking demon lady 

She picked up the now young boy and asked what happened 

Nigel told her and she just shook her head. She said I am the devil and he’s grounded
To make up for his rudeness she granted them each one wish

The robot got a soul, the bear bravery and the hangman common sense,

When it came to Nigel she looked down and said you can’t leave 

This is hell and your body is already been put in a grave 
So Nigel asked for her to fix his motorcycle and give him a gun 

Now he rides all over hell fighting demons just for fun