Bear it All For Jersey

Let me tell you about Pauly the polar bear 

Who was so fancy he wore Armani underwear 

Pauly had only one dream 

And it wasn’t to catch salmon from a stream
Paulys dream was to visit the jersey shore

And find a nice tan legged whore

He wanted to pump his paw to techno

And talk like a douche bag Guido 
He wanted gallons of gel in his hair 

He wanted a nickname to replace polar bear 

He wanted to gym tan and do laundry

He wanted to do everything they do in jersey
But jersey isn’t the polar bear’s natural habitat 

And Pauly knew that

So he sat in sadness with a tear in his eye 

Because he knew he’d never be a jersey guy
Then like a slap to the face 

Pauly decided to bring Jersey to his space 

He opened the first Arctic Night club 

Which welcomes any and all jersey Cubs 


Wrestling is Fake!

Wrestling is fake is the battle cry of haters 

They don’t understand the stories of wrestlers

The heroes, the villains, or the “others”
Are the millions of fans fake

How do fake the injuries the wrestlers take

How do you fake the impact these heroes make
Hulk hogan taught a nation to eat their vitamins 

Undertaker taught you to face your demons

The rock entertained millions and … Millions
Nothing is better than chanting for a hero 

As they overcome the odds and show their bravado

Oh wait wrestling is fake and I’m a zero
So why people continue to hate

I’ll watch as wrestlers battle for the title’s fate

Because wrestling is fake for entertainment sake

Ode to Odin

The thunderous sound could be heard across a hundred football fields

Tens of thousand Vikings banging their swords against their shields.

Erik riding a majestic white horse was giving an inspiring war speech

The swords banged faster as Erik told Valhalla was now in their reach 
Erik turned to his enemies an army of ice Giants 

Compared to them the Vikings were the size of fire ants 

This fact only inspired the Vikings, it would make for a nobler death

The Vikings had the smell of ale and raw meat on their breath
Erik bellowed a thunderous CHARGE! And galloped away

Thousands of Vikings followed behind him, but treason was item of the day

A spear soared through the marching crowd 

It struck Erik directly in the neck and he fell to the ground 
Erik was trampled by the horde of Vikings marching to their demise

Because among the ranks of the Vikings was Loki the master of disguise

He had snuck in among the thousands of Vikings 

And now he was laughing as he was watching the killings 
This battle belonged to the God of mischief 

Like the beggar with an apple Loki had stolen this battle like a thief 

Loki stood there watching the destruction as he summoned a singing bard

The bard sung of Odin’s weakness because he would not leave Asgard

Military Support

Brave men of our country
Giving their lives so we may be free
They don’t do it to prove they’re the best

They dont do it for medals pinned on their chest
They do it because it is what’s right 

They do it because no one else will fight

They leave the comfort of their neighborhood 

To shed our enemies blood
Now a days there’s no parade no celebration 

There is no picnic no vacation

It’s back to being mom or dad

It’s back to the same crummy job they had 
See when you see a soldier

Thank them and let them know they are not a stranger

Because a protector of our country

Is a friend to me 


Patience is a virtue they say it’s good for the soulIf I had patience I’d be in a six foot hole

Patience isn’t for me

I don’t have it or want any 
I don’t like waiting

I have no desire of debating

If you need a moment to think get out of my way

If your not sure where to go come back another day
I’m a man on a mission

And require no intervention 

Patience is a concept of a pacifist puss

Tell me to wait and your neck I will twist
So while your contemplating 

My fist are balling

Because I sold my patience

I sold it in a set with my conscience

And if you try my patience you’ll end up bleeding 

The Highway Walker

I don’t know whether to pity you or envy you 

you are not tied down by a piece of machinery

 you are not forced to pay another tax to the red white and blue 

you are a spitting image of simplicity
You travel down the same road day in, day out 

you don’t blink when passed by a speeding man made death contraption 

You are not phased by the rude passerby’s jeer or shout

You just continue about your business, your mysterious mission
I do not know if you are one of the millions that is forced to live on the street

Or one of the ones overlooked because you have a mental illness 

You have a jacket and shoes on your feet

You are not yelling obscenities or wearing a dress
You are my daily quandary 

And there is a simple solution to my question

Stop and ask, extend a helping hand of sincerity 

But that brings upon a thought of damnation 
If I approach you, and you are delusional, schizophrenic or just plain insane

Would I have to engage in a duel of violence with you 

Would my actions be responsible for the bullet in your brain

I do not know, so I leave you , and pretend I’m Sherlock looking for another clue.

Worn Leather Boots

Have you walked a mile in my shoes 

Have you ever attended a funeral in dress blues

Have you ever had to fight back a tear

While burying your fifth brother this year 
When was the last time someone spit in your face

Because of your uniform with no regard for you gender or race 

When was the last time a child was scared of your presence 

Because their parents had threatened them with a false sentence 
How many times have you cut down a lifeless person

How many times have you told a crying child their dad’s in heaven

How many times have you seen someone at their worst 

How many times have you been cursed 
Where were you when your son took his first steps

Were you at home with friends and family filling the room with claps

Where were you when your daughter had the lead in her school play

Some of us don’t Have that luxury and even work on a holiday.
You do not have the right to pass judgement

You have never fought for your life in a tiny apartment 

You have never lived through my nightmare

So don’t be surprised that your opinion does not cause me to care